Internal Family Systems
What is it?
IFS, also called “Parts Work” is a holistic practice that takes you on an empowering journey inside yourself.
Developed by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, P.hD in the 1980s. IFS is an approach to therapy that works from the understanding that our minds are made up of multiple parts.
Much like the concept that we all have an inner child, an inner critic, and the Ego— Parts, in IFS terms, are simply all of those, but there are multiple ones; each with sub-personalities.
Instead of having only one inner child, we each have several from various ages, stages, or traumas in our lives.
I like to explain “Parts” with this movie analogy:
If you are familiar with the movie Inside Out, then the parts of Riley (the young girl in the movie) would be her emotions at the control center inside her mind; and they would also be the various parts connected to her memories, as well as the parts working behind the scenes in dreams and the personality islands. And the five main parts that play a significant role in how Riley perceives her relationships, environments, and life transitions are: Joy, Angry, Disgust, Fear, and Sad.
Joy is the part that has been in an active role within Riley’s system the longest. However, somewhere along the way, throughout various experiences in Riley’s life, Joy took on the extreme belief that Sad was a burden. Joy believed that Riley could not handle the flooding of emotions that came with Sad, so she attempted to take control of Riley’s entire system by managing the roles of the other emotions in an effort to protect Riley.
Though Joy’s intentions came from a place of love, her need to control everything led to dysregulation & chaos within the system. The suppression of sadness didn’t bring more feelings of joy, instead Riley began having uncontrollable bouts of anger, disgust and fear.
What was discernible to me was how when various parts were taking the lead in one family member (ie Riley), it activated an equally forceful part in another’s system (ie her father). Detailing how intricately our unique parts and nervous systems affect one another‘s perception of (emotional) safety. When Riley’s parents’ parts let go of their judgment, fears and attempts to force her to be happy they were able to meet her with compassion, which allowed Riley and her parts to feel seen and validated; softening her demeanor and giving her permission to feel sadness & feel emotionally safe in the process.
Towards the end of the movie, Joy releases the extreme beliefs she had connected with Sad while unburdening the part holding onto the exiled memory of origin. Allowing Joy to resume her non-managerial role, letting go of the need to control. Balance was restored within Riley’s System.
I especially love how the set up of that movie inspires children to get curious about the different parts that make them unique—teaching them that all parts (& emotions) are valuable.
We all have parts. Some of our parts may like spicy food, while other parts may prefer sweets. Some people’s parts may be drawn to sports and athletics, while others’ may prefer science or the arts.
There are no bad parts.
Most parts genuinely want to help.
Some parts take on extreme beliefs or use maladaptive or controlling behaviors in order to protect young parts of us, deep inside, who experienced pain, shame, fear, etcetera from re-experiencing those feelings again. These are often young parts of us stuck in a specific age or timeframe.These protective or burdened parts can feel overwhelming to our system as they all fight for control from within. This can show up for us as anxiety, depression, reactivity, impatience, manipulation, excessive anger, self-sabotage, self-harm, substance overuse, suicide ideations, hurtful behaviors towards others; or any behavior or coping mechanism that we may not be especially proud of.
Traditional therapy models communicate to these parts that they are not welcome; which can add more shame to the system.
IFS welcomes all parts with compassion and curiosity.
