Befriending Fear, Leading with Courage
One of my main focuses in life is to never stop evolving, which means that it is imperative that I embrace change with every step of my journey. And I know that if, and only if, I allow it, then growth, deeper understandings, and new perspectives will develop from that change. There have been a lot of big changes in my life over the past decade, that have forever impacted the direction I am headed. But what often gets overlooked are the seemingly small choices that we make that turn into equally impactful changes. One of which for me, was starting my little instagram page, which has challenged me in a multitude of ways; one of which was to use my voice resulting in a ripple effect of courage and growth.
Looking back, I am in awe of the change and growth that my little page reflects back to me. I originally began the page in February 2021 under the name Unbroken, it was symbolic to me in that I had spent my entire childhood and my early twenties feeling fragmented, yet my journey with healing offered to me the tools needed to mend my relationship with Self. I was no longer broken, but still, there was evidence of the seemingly once shattered parts that I had mindfully put back together; to me Unbroken signified acceptance of my past and mistakes-made while making an effort to move forward through accountability and towards growth. The main focus was writing, and sharing my childhood story and how I shed the dysfunctional patterns of protection that were once instilled in me from my youth in hopes of reaching someone else who was in need of hope and encouragement while on their own journey to change course.
The name Unbroken was short-lived as circumstances in my life took a sudden and discouraging turn and I began to re-examine my presence and my goals on social media, as well as the use of my legal name on such a public platform. As fear took the lead, I paused my writing. Nearly six months passed before I found the courage to come back online. In some ways I am thankful for that pause, as it gave me time to intentionally ponder my long-term goals in supporting others as they too deconstructed their upbringing. Writing was no longer the main focus, but rather I intended to pursue certification in trauma recovery coaching, while using my page to educate, validate, and encourage others with similar childhoods to mine. The name Daughter of Dysfunction made sense to me at that point, as I saw myself as a daughter of both my family and our society’s dysfunctional teachings that very few people seemed to question, let alone challenge. My curiosity shifted to deconstructing systemic dysfunction to better understand how it shows up in our individual beliefs and behaviors.
I chose the pseudonym Cecily May due to the courageous and loving meaning behind the name; Cecily to honor my dad who passed away many years ago and who was the epitome of Self-Leadership, and May to honor a departed pup who was by my side for many of life’s hardships, as well as the long line of independent-thinking women on my dad’s side of the family tree she was originally named for. Over the past 18+ months this name has offered me the courage needed to use my voice once more and has become an authentic part of myself. I don’t think of it as something to hide behind, but rather it allows me to befriend my fear, inviting it to walk along beside me, and lead with courage instead.
Over the past year my vision and goals have continued to evolve as I expanded from trauma recovery coaching, to parent coaching utilizing the IFS model, to preparing to launch into public speaking with a focus on Self-Leadership, courage, and accountability all in hopes of building a more compassionate world for the younger generations to witness. At times I have struggled to overcome various obstacles in my life, as well as feeling confident in my own abilities. But what I have found along the way is that when fear takes the lead I become stuck, frozen, frustrated, and restless. Yet, when I ask fear to walk next to me, I discover the courage needed to keep pushing through to reach my goals, inspiring new hopes, dreams, and challenges along the way.
As I begin this next leg of my journey I can’t help but to feel appreciative to @daughter_of_dysfunction as she offered me a place to embrace change and growth during some of my most challenging times, but it is time to bid her adieu, though bittersweet, I have officially outgrown her; and I am ready to see the many places and goals that @courageouscecily inspires me to go!
